Mental illness doesn’t define a person, but it could put a strain on their relationships. Whether you’re dealing with an ill partner, friend, or family member, pushing through day-to-day challenges can be incredibly difficult.
But mental illness can also come in episodes.
So, is this a rough patch that you can work through? Or is it time to cut ties for the sake of your own well-being?
In this post, you’ll learn when to walk away from someone with mental illness. We’ll also talk about your options: ending things peacefully and trying to salvage the relationship.
Table of Contents
5 Valid Reasons to Walk Away From Someone With Mental Illness
You should never end a relationship solely based on your loved one’s diagnosis. Instead, the decision needs to be based on how you’re treated in the relationship and how the mental health condition impacts your life.
Here are five worrying situations:
1. You’re Concerned About Your Safety
Mental illness doesn’t necessarily translate to violent behavior. In fact, people suffering from certain conditions, like schizophrenia, are more likely to harm themselves than hurt you.
However, psychotic paranoias and command hallucinations can create a dangerous living environment. Plus, when substance abuse is involved, there’s a higher risk of violence.
Once your safety is in jeopardy, it’s time to leave or at least call a crisis line and put some distance between the two of you.
Keep in mind that the verbal and physical violence doesn’t have to be directed at you. Destruction of your belongings still counts as domestic abuse. Even the threat of violence in and of itself is a cause for concern.
2. The Relationship Seems Emotional Abusive
Physical abuse isn’t the only danger to your well-being. Emotional abuse is also a valid reason to walk away.
Again, mental health conditions aren’t to blame for abusive behavior. The disorder alone won’t make your loved one emotionally abusive. There’s more to it than just the diagnosis.
Yet, that doesn’t excuse the abuse. It doesn’t make the situation any more bearable for you, either.
Some signs that the relationship is taking a toll on your own mental health are:
- Your loved one shifts the blame and leaves you feeling guilty.
- You feel humiliated or belittled during your interactions.
- You have to deal with unrealistic expectations and demands of your time and energy, forcing you to give up important aspects of your own life.
3. The Person Refuses to Get Professional Help
Does your loved one refuse to get help? They aren’t alone in that decision. About 45% of individuals with a clinical mental health disorder in the US don’t seek professional help.
Some prefer self-help alternatives. Others don’t even believe they need any mental health treatment. The stigma and expenses can also deter a lot of people from getting help.
You can try to understand your loved one’s reasons and fears. But, at one point, the illness can become hard to live with.
Since involuntary hospitalization is often not an option, you can either accept and cope or walk away.
4. You’re Staying for All the Wrong Reasons
Leaving someone when they’re suffering from a mental health issue might seem cruel, but staying with them out of pity isn’t ideal, either.
Maintaining open communication, getting them help, and building their self-confidence—these are things you can do to actually improve their situation.
5. Resentment Crept in and Took Hold
Despite your best efforts, love and respect can fade over time. Resentment might take over, especially if you feel that being around this individual has cost you a lot.
Keeping the relationship going at this point can backfire. Your presence won’t be helping all that much. On the contrary, it might become harder to empathize with their struggles.
Note that resentment is no stranger to caregiving scenarios. There’s enough perceived disparity in effort to create anger and bitterness.
Still Can’t Tell if It’s Time to Leave? Gain Different Perspectives
Perhaps you still can’t say for sure if the relationship is beyond salvaging. That’s okay; figuring out how you really feel about a loved one with a mental health issue can take time.
Seeking guidance can help you, though. Consider consulting a trained therapist to better understand the challenges.
Even your support systems (friends, family members, etc.) can confirm your fears or show you things from a new perspective.
Ending Things With Someone With Mental Health Issues: 3 Tips
Realizing that you need to cut ties can be scary and overwhelming. But, if it’s the right move for you, you need to stick to your guts and do it.
Here are some tips to help you end things:
1. Plan for the Change
Before you actually say anything, make sure you have a solid plan.
Do you need a safe place? Do you need to change work schedules to avoid contact soon after cutting ties? Think it all over and make arrangements as needed.
2. Know What to Say
You don’t want the “goodbye” talk to end in screams. So, go ahead and think about what you’re going to say. Some people find that it helps to write down their thoughts, while others prefer to practice with a friend.
Either way, know what you need to say and how you’re going to say it (preferably calmly and with compassion).
Then, arrange a suitable time and place to talk. Depending on how close the two of you are, you might want to talk in person rather than over the phone.
3. Get Support (For the Both of You)
Make sure your support system knows about your decision ahead of time. You’ll need all the support you can get once it’s all over to let go of your guilt and get over the experience.
As for the other person, you’ll feel better about ending things if you know they have at least one source of support. You could let a friend of theirs know about the breakup or give a heads-up to their primary healthcare provider.
Trying to Salvage the Relationship: 5 Tips
Maybe reflecting on your relationship made you realize you’re not ready to walk away just yet.
That’s also a valid choice, but you might want to consider making some changes to the relationship dynamic. Otherwise, you’re getting back to the same loop.
Here are some tips to help you work through the challenges and build a healthy relationship:
1. Get Educated (Again and Again)
Loving someone with a mental illness can be hard, especially if you don’t understand their condition.
So, start there. Grab resources and get in touch with mental health professionals. Hopefully, this will help you understand the symptoms and work on not taking them personally.
2. Communicate Your Feelings and Hear Their Needs
Healthy, effective communication is vital for pretty much any relationship. Yours is no exception.
Keep everything you’ve learned about the condition in mind, and then sit down for a talk with your loved one. Using “I” statements, share your own needs and let them know how their mental illness impacts you.
Then, open yourself up to hearing their needs and struggles. Ask how you can help and provide support.
3. Talk About Treatment and/or Counseling
Professional help can go a long way in saving a relationship. Obviously, you’ll want to discuss treatment options with your loved one to see if they’re more receptive this time.
Just keep in mind that you might have to help with the leg work if they do agree to seek help. For instance, you can find a therapist, drive them to appointments, and attend support groups.
Aside from seeking treatment for the mental health condition, couples therapy can be helpful.
4. Establish Healthy Boundaries
It’s possible to set boundaries and still support a loved one. That’s as long as you know your role in the treatment plan (if the individual is getting treated) and can balance their needs with yours.
However, you’ll want to put an end to any abusive behavior. You should also make it clear that you need time for your well-being and self-care activities.
Consult your therapist if you’re not sure how to establish boundaries without being unfair. Boundaries can come in many shapes and forms (emotional, physical, financial, etc.) based on the nature of the relationship.
5. Take Care of Yourself
If you nail the previous tip, you should have more time and energy for yourself. Use them to the max by:
- Picking up your old hobbies and interests.
- Taking care of your body by eating well, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep.
- Maintaining a support system.
- Seeking professional help for yourself if you need to.
Final Thoughts
It’s okay to leave if someone’s mental health illness is chipping away at your feeling of self-worth or endangering you in any way.
So, take time to re-evaluate your relationship and consider all the available options.
Additional Resources
- Mental Health Crisis Lifeline: 988
- The Relationship Spectrum (for evaluating how healthy a relationship is)
- Mental Health Services offered by the IDHS
- NAMI Tips for Helping a Person With Mental Illness
